Emo little miie
<![CDATA[
<body><script type="text/javascript">
function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) {
if(window.addEventListener) {
window.addEventListener('load',
function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false);
} else {
window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; });
}
}
</script>
<div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div>
<script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script>
<script type="text/javascript">
gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() {
if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) {
gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({
url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar/14176319?origin\x3dhttp://dreams-are-just-dream.blogspot.com',
where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"),
id: "navbar-iframe"
});
}
});
</script>]]>
Monday, July 08, 2024
♥5:33 PM
2024, June.. I've never expect this page to still exists. Ridhuan was toking to me about our col whom might be feeling upset as we are ignoring him and he might go back to blog about it! And this triggered me to wonder if my post still exists.
To my greatest surprise, i managed to log in to the page.
It was at this moment did i find it hard for me.. Should i start reading my post or should i just forget about everything. Human being human, i couldn't stop myself from reading into the past. It took me 2 weeks to finish reading all the post.
All the flashback that rushes back to my mind, affecting my emotions once again. it's been almost 20 years, i can't go back to the youthful me again but the one thing that i thought i had forgotten and let go of were seem to be engraved so strongly on me mentally. The man that i once loved whole heartly, the promises that he made and all the pampering, love and care that he showered on me for the 3 years that we were together.
Seems rather weird saying this. Despite being married to my husband for 13 years, whenever there's any post of him, i would immediately check on it. It just feels like nothing changes. My feeling towards him had actually never change despite all that had happened to our individual lifes for the past 17 years. He's still someone whom i love deeply despite being hurt by him deeply too. I suppose that's what ppl used to say, 'you love a person so much that everything he does wrong on you, you would forgive and forget'.
It was really sweet looking back at the post. Especially the part where he mentioned for us to go get engaged when he turns 21. I thought i would never lose him, i thought he would be the one and only that walks into my heart. But sadly, i wasn't the right one for him. 我在错的时间, 遇到对的人..
To be honest, my feelings towards him is still so strong. The same feeling i had when i first saw him in class, totally attracted to him not knowing why. I don't know what got into me, i kept on wanting to text him, wanting to meet him, want to reminisce back the past that we had, want to know how have he been for the past 15 years that we had not been in contact with, want to know everything about him. I know i'm already his past, i should be the only ex-gf that he had and would never ever want to contact ever again. What is it that went wrong along the way? His changed of heart or was i really not good enough for him?
I've never needed him to proof how capable he could be one day, i only anticipate the adventure that would path for us to walk thru together. unfortunately, we've let each another go by the stupiest reason cause of a 3rd party that came into our life and ruin everything that we had previously built together. I once tot our love is so strong that i just need to learn to let go alittle for him to grow and let him acheive what he's seeking for.
But i was mistaken. That's also 1 of the failure that i've encountered in the relationship. With his good look, i've always fear that 'something' would go wrong one day. And true enough, it really did went wrong the moment he took up his studies path.
I admit i've not walk out of this failed relationship at all.
Looking back at all the pics that we had taken before, we were so in loved back then. The sacrifices that we can give for each another just to put a smile on each another's face, sacrificing all the rest time just to be with each another. Everything seems so beautiful and so yesterday.
Lately, ppl around me has been jokingly asking me, 'would you rather have $1 millon or go back to the past?' Without fail, my answer would always be, Back to the past. Even if i know history were to repeat itself, i would 100% want to do that again.
I'm very sure at a certain point of time, he really did put all his heart & soul into the relationship and till today, i still believe so. It's just funny why people around me kept on pouring me with alot of different information about him after and before we broke up. Despite all the negativity they told me, i still went all out to put my trust on him. Of cause, i'm also well aware that he told me lots of lies but i still choose to trust him wholeheartedly.
The 1 thing that hurt me most was that he choosen to cut off contacting me in a snap, the same way when he broke off with me.
Am i really worthless?